Somehow, life goes on

Today was better than yesterday; I've only cried twice. We went into town. I took Paddy with me to do some last minute shopping, and Síofra went with Daithí. Our good friend Richie's mom came over with presents for the kids, and a beautiful ornament in memory of Fionn. I'd looked for one yesterday but couldn't find anything I liked, and then I got overwhelmed in the shop and needed to go home. I'm glad we have it on the tree today, before Christmas.

Síofra and I made Santa's oatmeal cookies today. They turned out great.


I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas tomorrow. We've passed the Winter Solstice now, so brighter days are ahead. That is certain.

Fionn

Just to let everyone know that our little boy Fionn Matthew was born yesterday December 20th at 5:03 p.m. He weighed 300 grams, which is about 10 1/2 oz. He looked perfect in every way, just so small and fragile. We were able to hold him and spend a couple of hours with him, which was terribly sad, of course, but also helpful. His birth went smoothly, and I did not take any pain relief, which I am thankful for now because I think I needed to feel every moment and everything. I was able to go home last night at 8 p.m. We are having a short service for him tomorrow at the hospital chapel, and then the hospital will bury him in the next week in the baby's plot at Glasnevin Cemetary. We will be able to have his name engraved on a plaque at the cemetary.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words, emails, texts, and phone calls. It is very hard to be so far from you all. But I will need lots of love and care in the future to try and heal from this. Right now I just miss Fionn, but having Siofra and Paddy is so helpful. I didn't think I could love them anymore than I did, but having gone through this loss, I do. Daithi and I do believe that we can be better people, more compassionate and with more empathy, having experienced this.

Thanks again.

Love,
Bridget and Daithi

Welcome, Peter.

I had my first experience as a doula early this morning...

D gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Peter, at 4:10 a.m. They are both doing perfectly. The birth went very quickly and smoothly; so quickly that the midwife was still in a taxi on the way to their house when the baby was born.

R and I caught the baby.

What a day! I think it's only hitting me now.

More later.

10 Years

Daithi and I had anniversary night away, although our actual anniversary is Wednesday. At noon on Saturday we packed up and left Siofra and Paddy eating their lunch with Daithi's sister. We and our overnight bag travelled two stations on the train into town to the hotel.

Naturally, it then began to rain, but even Irish weather couldn't take the smiles off our faces. (Sorry about cutting off the top of your face, Daithi.) We checked in, had a cup of coffee, and then headed out for lunch. I had a butternut squash-filo pastry pie, with carrot salad and sprouting bean salad. Delicious, as always. Then we did some Christmas shopping for the kids...sounds mundane, but it was a pleasure to shop without having to push a stroller through the shops! Then we headed back to the hotel, where Daithi had a nap and I took a half hour shower with unending hot water. Strangely, there was a full sized mirror IN the shower, which is a reality check like no other. Yes, I DO look pregnant after all. Then we got all dressed up and headed to the restaurant.
Daithi had made reservations at a secret retaurant, and didn't tell me where we were going until we were there. I was a bit uneasy (I guess I have control issues) but it turned out wonderfully. The food, especially the vegetarian mezza, was delicious. Honestly, deep-fried feta cheese, could you think of anything nicer???

And the belly dancing was...entertaining. The next morning we avoided the overpriced hotel breakfast (24 euros for one breakfast!) and went into Temple Bar for a more reasonably priced breakfast. Then we headed back home at noon, and reality recommenced.

Getting away was great...it was the first time I'd spent a night apart from the kids since Siofra was born. And I didn't even worry. And the kids had a great time with Ann...and Paddy went to sleep on his own, no crying, and slept the whole night. What the £@*&%?

And most importantly, I didn't miss that very important business call because I could take it from the comfort of the hotel bathroom...